[ID: A tweet by verified user michael cruz kayne @CruzKayne that reads: "there is nothing i won't do to make sure the waiter likes me. i will sell out everyone at the table. "i'm so sorry about them" even if they're being totally normal. nothing matters more to me. i would give it all away." End ID]
Saw a post about whether Johnny Bravo would date a trans woman, and now the thought is in my head and I hate being able to picture exactly how that conversation goes, so now I have to write it out.
You ask him, as a hypothetical question. He says he doesn't know what that word means, but you said "women" so now he's interested. No, the other word. He doesn't know what "hypothetical" means. He interrupts your explanation to let you know that sounds boring, he doesn't want to know what "hypothetical" means. What was that other word, you said "women".
You try to explain as simply as you can, being frequently interrupted by reminders that he is uninterested in abstract concepts and unfamiliar terminology. He doesn't know what a chromosome is. He doesn't want to know what a chromosome is. He is unsure how any of this subject is related to the ladies but he's optimistic about it.
After about half an hour, he finishes with asking "ok but what's the difference". After a while of unfruitful back and forth, you understand what he's asking what is the difference to him, how does this distinction affect him and his immediate surroundings. You have no idea how to word this in a way that would be understandable to a gerbil with A1 level english skills.
"If... If trans women are women, there's... More women?"
"More women. Nice. Then let's go with that one."
He walks into the sunset, leaving you unsure whether anything of value was actually achieved. As a matter of fact it feels likely that instead of you enlightening him, he actually managed to make you stupider.
One thing that always gets a chuckle out of me is using the word "canonically" to describe things we know about the real world.
The Pope is canonically Catholic
How dare you be funnier than me
not to sound too much like a millennial who has lived through two major economic downturns but like, i don't think banks should be able to give you 0.1% interest and call it a "high interest savings account" with a straight face. thanks for the 10¢ i guess, if i find a dime on the sidewalk i'll have doubled my free money for the month
why does no one remember how homophobic the 00s were? this totally checks for 2003
fr this ONLY could have happened in the early 2000's bc that was the sweet spot of gay media exposure and gay ridicule. it wouldn't have made it through censors or whatever before that
Tumblr burned down years ago, and now a tranquil meadow has grown from its ruins
Tumblr is that barren pasture in Costa Rica that was purposely filled with 12,000 metric tons of orange peels by conservation researchers. Initially, the orange peels decomposed into “sludgy stuff filled with fly larvae.” This led to accusations that the juice company providing the peels were “defiling the land,” and thus, the site was ultimately abandoned. But when researchers went back about 15 years later, they discovered “the arid landscape had been unrecognisably transformed into a dense, vine-filled jungle... as for how the orange peels were able to regenerate the site so effectively in just 16 years of isolation, nobody's entirely sure.”
And that, my friends, is Tumblr.
(via @lastvalyrian)
